Donnerstag, Juni 29, 2006

Why do I keep falling?

So the other day I was strapping my daughter into her booster seat in the car. I was standing on the curb in our front yard, leaning in and over my daughter. When I finished I stood up and stretched my back.

Somehow I got off balance. Yes, I know. One should KNOW how to stand up when one is 32 freakin years old. But somehow I have not yet mastered this art. I slid off the curb with one foot and stepped down into the gutter.

The gutter splashed with black sludge. Slippery black sludge. Like icey mud. My foot found no grip there and before I knew it I had fallen.

Not just fallen. I was literally LYING in the gutter. I didn't just fall on my ass. I was staring up at the sky. The black sludge soaked my feet, my calves, through my skirt, through my shirt.

And all I could hear was my daughter's sweet voice: "mama, where are you?" Literally fell out of sight, I did.

What was more upsetting was that I was actually BOTHERED that nobody saw me. Maybe because it hurt so badly. Maybe because I figured that if I invested that much energy in falling so dramatically that someone should at least get a good chuckle out of it.

I can't figure out how it is that I scratched up my shin so badly. I don't remember actually HITTING anything on the way down. Ah well... three days later I'm on the mend. ;)

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AND a couple more...

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"Jaiven's Release," June 2006, 3'x4', oil on board
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self portrait detail, July 2006

Donnerstag, Juni 08, 2006

New Pieces...

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"Creative" oilz, 18"x20", April 2006

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"Freedom" oilz, 4'x2', May 2006

Freitag, Mai 05, 2006

I shot Britney Spears!

Totally joking. But this model was beautiful...

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Samstag, April 29, 2006

The Apology

Breaking free
Naked and quivering
Helplessness is such an odd bedfellow

Groping to see
Confused and stammering
Is there life outside this cage of mine?

I trip and fall
Unable to walk
All I've ever learned to do is cower

Stilted brokenness
Like a mole in sunlight
Grasping for anyone's hand

Exposure
Of the most desperate kind
Naked and sprawled for all to see

This explosion of feeling
This draught of numbness
All at once and all-saturating

Crying and screaming and weeping at the sky...
"Why can't I learn to WALK without holding someone's hand???"

Freitag, April 28, 2006

Like Divining

There is something very "other-worldly" about portrait painting. The eyes show so much of a person. The artist sits, staring at those eyes. Hour after hour. Trying to honestly portray the soul within.

No matter how hard I try I cannot make my daughter's eyes happy. I likewise cannot make my son's eyes fearless.

I shudder at the thought. I hope they outgrow these images. I hope I did not contribute to the darkness I see there.

And still, I cannot take credit for the outstanding emotion, fiery and catching. These two souls will outlive me. These two souls will light a fire I never lit. Will love those I never loved. Will create things I never touched.

My daughter will mend her broken heart. My son will slay his dragons.

Donnerstag, April 27, 2006

Previous artwork to show

Will post work as completed. Nice to have someplace to do just that. These are older.

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"Fearless" March, 2006, oil on board, 18"x20"

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"Fearless" detail

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"Dichotomy" February, 2006, oil on canvas, 3'x4'
This photo is of it when it was almost done. The snake is gone now. LOL

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"Beauty of Creation" January, 2006, digital illustration

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untitled, summer 2004, oil on canvas, 18"x18"

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"Signature" 1991, oil on canvas, 24"x36"